This morning I woke up with a sad, weak heart.
My biggest fear about leaving the country for the year (and maybe longer than that) is that people will forget me. Life will go on without me and while some people send their financial support (which I am EXTREMELY grateful for) and pray for me (which is SO needed on a daily basis), my relationships with people will diminish. I woke up extremely burdened with this fear that I am also giving up, along with many other things, probably the most important thing to me in my life- my relationships. Already I have seen my relationships with friends and even family change since this life-changing process began, but why did I not include my relationships in my list of things I am counting as lost? (Not that I really have a list, but in my head I figured I knew what I was giving up)
I called my sweet friend and roommate for the past year, Ashli, this morning and was discussing some of this with her. Her honest and true words hit me even harder. She explained how the changing of my friendships is inevitable. Because I won't be conversing with people and seeing them as often, or at all, we will grow apart.
She told me about her friend Kate, also an acquaintance of mine, who was in London for a semester. When Kate returned to the states she explained to Ashli that one of the most difficult parts of being away for the semester was that life back at home went on without her. Her friends had new friends when she got back, and people moved forward. She said that while that was difficult, however, she could rejoice in the Lord knowing that He cared for her people back home and allowed Kate's life to move forward as well, even in London.
I either wasn't ready to hear all of that, or I had not thought about this particular aspect of moving to Haiti.
I knew fellowship would be missed and I knew I wouldn't be conversing with friends and family as much, but I knew myself well enough to know I would trust the Lord for that need.
What I hadn't handed over to God yet was my relationships. I am fearful of my relationships dwindling. Who wants that?
I called my sister and began crying to her about all of this and naming specific people I didn't want to forget me and she comforted me the best way she knew how. She reminded me that the people who really and truly are my friends and who love me will NOT forget me and I will not lose them, and vice versa- no matter how our relationships undoubtedly change some. Then she stated the best thing I could have heard at that moment. She said, "Laura, you just don't even know how God is going to draw you to Himself for HIS friendship."
It was almost immediate relief. How right is she? What better friendship to be engrossed in than with the one who knows me and my heart? He knows my need for relationship better than I, and HE created me that way. Not only that, but the Holy Spirit dwells inside of me and is ministering to me. He prays for me and oh, how I need His intercession.
Romans 5:5 "and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Romans 8:26 & 27 "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
God quieted me with His love then and there as He reminded me of my protection and assurance in Him through His son Jesus Christ with the Holy Spirit IN ME.
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."
And how much more am I gaining at the cost of what, to my humanity, seems like much?
Therefore, I will walk boldly and persevere because my God is faithful. Friends or no friends, family or no family, money or no money, fellowship or the lack thereof, I will move forward and obey my calling to teach these precious children in Haiti and whatever comes after that. I will pick up my cross and daily die to myself. I will take this life one day at a time and make the most of the opportunities that come my way. I am willing and longing to serve- no matter the cost. And I can only hope that someone somewhere sees Him through me, despite my weak self.
There is a great deal of work to be done. God's divine plan will be carried out and I don't want to miss out.
To God be the glory.
To God be the fame.
Good thing God understands us and is in control, right?
My biggest fear about leaving the country for the year (and maybe longer than that) is that people will forget me. Life will go on without me and while some people send their financial support (which I am EXTREMELY grateful for) and pray for me (which is SO needed on a daily basis), my relationships with people will diminish. I woke up extremely burdened with this fear that I am also giving up, along with many other things, probably the most important thing to me in my life- my relationships. Already I have seen my relationships with friends and even family change since this life-changing process began, but why did I not include my relationships in my list of things I am counting as lost? (Not that I really have a list, but in my head I figured I knew what I was giving up)
I called my sweet friend and roommate for the past year, Ashli, this morning and was discussing some of this with her. Her honest and true words hit me even harder. She explained how the changing of my friendships is inevitable. Because I won't be conversing with people and seeing them as often, or at all, we will grow apart.
She told me about her friend Kate, also an acquaintance of mine, who was in London for a semester. When Kate returned to the states she explained to Ashli that one of the most difficult parts of being away for the semester was that life back at home went on without her. Her friends had new friends when she got back, and people moved forward. She said that while that was difficult, however, she could rejoice in the Lord knowing that He cared for her people back home and allowed Kate's life to move forward as well, even in London.
I either wasn't ready to hear all of that, or I had not thought about this particular aspect of moving to Haiti.
I knew fellowship would be missed and I knew I wouldn't be conversing with friends and family as much, but I knew myself well enough to know I would trust the Lord for that need.
What I hadn't handed over to God yet was my relationships. I am fearful of my relationships dwindling. Who wants that?
I called my sister and began crying to her about all of this and naming specific people I didn't want to forget me and she comforted me the best way she knew how. She reminded me that the people who really and truly are my friends and who love me will NOT forget me and I will not lose them, and vice versa- no matter how our relationships undoubtedly change some. Then she stated the best thing I could have heard at that moment. She said, "Laura, you just don't even know how God is going to draw you to Himself for HIS friendship."
It was almost immediate relief. How right is she? What better friendship to be engrossed in than with the one who knows me and my heart? He knows my need for relationship better than I, and HE created me that way. Not only that, but the Holy Spirit dwells inside of me and is ministering to me. He prays for me and oh, how I need His intercession.
Romans 5:5 "and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Romans 8:26 & 27 "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
God quieted me with His love then and there as He reminded me of my protection and assurance in Him through His son Jesus Christ with the Holy Spirit IN ME.
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."
And how much more am I gaining at the cost of what, to my humanity, seems like much?
Therefore, I will walk boldly and persevere because my God is faithful. Friends or no friends, family or no family, money or no money, fellowship or the lack thereof, I will move forward and obey my calling to teach these precious children in Haiti and whatever comes after that. I will pick up my cross and daily die to myself. I will take this life one day at a time and make the most of the opportunities that come my way. I am willing and longing to serve- no matter the cost. And I can only hope that someone somewhere sees Him through me, despite my weak self.
There is a great deal of work to be done. God's divine plan will be carried out and I don't want to miss out.
To God be the glory.
To God be the fame.
Good thing God understands us and is in control, right?
YES!
ReplyDeleteLaura! I can't call you back right now because I am crying. I'm SO proud of you and your perseverance.
ReplyDelete"Therefore, I will walk boldly and persevere because my God is faithful. Friends or no friends, family or no family, money or no money, fellowship or the lack thereof, I will move forward and obey my calling to teach these precious children in Haiti and whatever comes after that. I will pick up my cross and daily die to myself. I will take this life one day at a time and make the most of the opportunities that come my way. I am willing and longing to serve- no matter the cost. And I can only hope that someone somewhere sees Him through me, despite my weak self. "
Seriously, who wrote this?? Who are you?? A BEAUTIFUL child of The KING, that's who.
And I love you.
I love you so much. We will NEVER FORGET YOU!! But, I totally know what you mean... Life goes on, and that's hard. BUT, Emily is so right. God is going to draw you closer to Himself... You have the most wonderful friend in the Lord. Love you!
ReplyDeleteLaura, you just don't know how that encouraged me girl! I will be praying for you and cannot wait to see what God has in store for you and to be done through you. God ALWAYS blesses obedience! I am glad God has revealed this to you to make peace of it now. I did not come to grips with or realize that fact until I came back from London, much like your friend Kate, and yes life does go on, but consider the gain. It is so much more worth it! Love you girl. Shine!
ReplyDeleteI love you Baby Girl! You are such a beautiful person, inside and out! God holds you so close to Him! Please know this part of your family WILL NOT forget you and we will be praying for you EVERYDAY!! And we will teach EG about her Lolly! She will love you so much!! Take care Little One! I love, love, love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteMom